Today was kind of strange. I figured my next entry would be about camp but I had such a strange experience this morning, camp will have to wait.

The church we go to on Sunday mornings has moved to a new location. Last time we went, it really felt odd. Ever since the baptism issue, the church hasn't really felt like my church home to me, but I never felt like I really needed to leave. Now that they've moved everything feels really different. The band members have all changed. They have added all this fancy lightning and cameras. The result is that it feels less intimate on Sundays, less like the anti-church and more like a typical church. That's all besides the point though.

The series going on right now is called Identity Crisis and I guess I just had my identity confirmed by what I heard today. I had this real sense of dread when I got into church this morning. I sort of attributed it to a post-camp letdown, but it was more than that. When the message started, I really heard God speak to me, but it was probably not the response that was intended by our pastor. It was all about being involved in the church and being more than a member and feeling accepted, valued, etc. and I kept really identifying with the fact that the church I was in didn't make me feel any of those things. I have no real relationship with anyone there. He talked about the community groups and all and how they needed people to step up and lead them. I volunteered, but because of the baptism issues was not allowed to lead one, but I'm not so sure that is a bad thing anymore. I don't think that Highpoint Church is where we are supposed to be and when I accepted that I really felt better about everything. It was really strange. It was like God was making me more and more uncomfortable about it this morning until I made the decision that it was time and then a burden was lifted. One of his key points ended up being about the idea of Jesus being "the door." When he got to that, I had no doubt that God was sending me a message.